Dear younger Adrian,
What up, love? I am writing to high school aged me, because that was when I was truly developing my personality, and becoming the woman I am now. Back to you, oh younger me. Your music is still the shit. I know you don't swear, ever, but I do, so I am sorry I failed you. To think that I still listen to some of the bands you discovered, loved, cried to, and made the soundtrack of your life, is pretty sweet. Death Cab for Cutie, Jimmy Eat World, Taking Back Sunday and New Found Glory still make it onto my playlists. Bright eyes, however, does not. You weren't even that into Connor Oberst then, anyway. You'll be wetting your pants to know that I met Chris Carabba of Dashboard Confessional, and years later watched his solo acoustic show, and yes, he's still emo amazingness, long after the end of emo music. *sobs*
Yeah, it's a tiny picture, but your computer hard drive was erased in 2007, so every photo you had stored on it disappeared forever. This was stored in some obscure site, so that's the only way I can share it now.
I'm sorry to tell you that giant folder of CDs that contained pretty much your whole burned catalog of music was stolen in 2009. I lost pretty much all of the music we discovered in high school because I hadn't converted everything to digital format yet. Some of those bands may never be discovered again, but you will be happy to know I am still discovering amazing music, even if it may not have been what you listen to. I mean, some of the indie stuff I love is a little on the folk side, which you would have considered country, and hated. Oh yeah, I live in Texas now, and sometimes listen to country, too. Don't throw stones, though, it's decent stuff. And you can still be a California girl even if you don't live within the state.
You will be happy to know that I did something with that love of writing you developed as a senior. I have written a few novel length stories, and have so many ideas in my head for more. I think you would be proud. Even though I dropped journalism and the idea of writing for a music magazine pretty quickly, I never lost my love for putting words to paper. Or screen, as our technology has made so easy. Maybe I'll even publish one of these stories someday. I'm still working on my confidence with my writing, it's a long process. And PS- your angsty rhyming couplet poems were pretty terrible, but I am glad you filled notebooks with them and expressed yourself somehow. Sorry (not sorry) I threw them all away.
Speaking of love, stop chasing it so hard, kid! All of those boys you worry over, lead on because you like the attention, and get your heart broken for, won't even come close to the amazing guy you will meet in just a short time. He's waiting for you, babe, and he thinks you are amazing. You will definitely appreciate how easy life is with him, after struggling so much with former loves you lost, or left. You have to work so hard on crappy relationships and boyfriends who half-ass relationships now, because they aren't right for you. He is. You'll see. His love will be a game changer.
And stop shoving your finger down your throat when you get stressed. Part-time bulimia is no way to live your life, and has no effect whatsoever on your weight, which is minuscule, by the way. You are the tiniest you will ever be, beautiful without trying, and have way more self-worth than how you feel about your body allows. All you are doing is obsessing and piling shame on yourself for what you are doing in secret. You don't need that. It's a lifelong process, but you will learn to love yourself for who you are and what you can do, rather than how you look or what you weigh.
You and Lexie are still good friends. You live in different states, and she's still travel obsessed, but now she gets paid for it as a flight attendant. You started a relationship that would be easy to pick up anytime you got together, as far apart as those occasions may be. You will actually develop some amazing girlfriends in the upcoming years. I know, it's crazy to think that you will have more girlfriends than guy friends soon, but it's true. And oh, will you value them and everything they bring to your life! You don't have to compete with these ladies; they support you, cherish you, and make you feel loved, appreciated and happy. You are blessed beyond belief with amazing friends, near and far.
We are doing pretty well, career wise, also. It may not have been the direction you were imagining, but being a hairstylist and makeup artist is pretty awesome. All of that prom hair you did for free is now paying off, literally. You get to be creative every time you step in the salon, or head out on location. Brides seem to love you and your work, it's pretty awesome.
So keep your chin up, pretty girl (yeah, I referenced a Sugar Cult song, thought you'd like that), and follow your passions. You might get your heart broken more times than you should, but you gain something new with each path your heart takes you down, in love, and in life.
Love Always,
Adrian today
