My Beautiful Girl
“A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinkin' Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high - full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, and in her soul, and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's gonna be okay.” That my friends, is my girl, my human sized bottle of hopes and dreams that I have the privilege of sipping from every day, and its her golden birthday! *Yay for Addy*
Through this woman’s love, I am able to extract immeasurable amounts of strength and courage. When I have a rough day and really feel like grabbing a customer by their hair and smacking their face on/through the counter I take a breath, think of her, and maybe not calm down, but summon the courage to eat my anger and get through the situation with requisite fake smile. Recently, she has given me the strength to do what I never thought I’d do: Leave. Everything.
You see, I love my family. I feel like I am in the vast minority in this country where my family actually gets along and really like each other. We’ve been married over 5 years now and I still get all homesick if I don’t get to see my folks every week. The thought of not seeing them, or being more than a day trip away from them almost makes me ill. These feelings do however conflict with 2 things: 1: my urge to provide the best life possible for her and 2: my manological clock (yes you can use that).
My manological clock is ticking hard for one thing right now (2 if you count a supercharger for my little pony), and that is to buy a real house by the time I hit 35, and not a glorified apartment either. I want a place where nobody can tell me what to do, how to decorate, or to have some courtesy because of shared walls. 35 because home loans usually last 30 years, and I don’t want to be working full time into my 70ies. The harsh reality is that isn’t very possible here in CA unless we both double our incomes in the next few years. The alternative is leaving.
I recently applied for a Manager position in Texas with my company. Not only is it a significant pay increase, but the cost of living out there is roughly 40% less. On my salary alone we could pay less on a nice house than we do for rent, and she could be the little trophy wife she has always wanted to be. I really nailed my phone interview, and really got a great vibe off the managers out there, unfortunately, my company is more about rewarding those who have put in time than those who are actually good at what they do, so I’m doubtful it will pan out, but who knows. Pray for us.
In the short time we’ve really had to think about it I’ve really run through the gambit of emotions. When I first saw the post my palms got sweaty, heart started thumping. I knew I could do it but I’d miss my family. I don’t want to end up a stranger to my nephew, but the more I look at and sip on my little hope cocktail, the more confident I am that I can do this for us. I’m finally feeling a little tug on my heart strings that I’ve always credited with being God’s guidance which was missing just a few days ago. I just pray now that we can get the chance, and if it doesn’t pan out, there is always Jack and Coke..err umm...other positions. Happy Birthday hun.
XOXO- Gossi...gerr..uhh
-B