0 Catch up for your Friday

Well, hey there party people! 

Sorry I've been so sporadic with the posts, and mainly MIA. You probably guessed where all of my creative writing energy is going--to editing the book. You guys, editing is hard. Like so hard I don't even want to do it, but I have to. Each revision I make to the manuscript makes it better, even though it feels like pulling teeth to get there sometimes. Each pass through shows me just where my weaknesses are are, and I have to figure out a way to make them better. It's not a particularly ego-inflating feeling, seeing how much I suck, but it makes me happy when I can work through a problem area and make it shiny. 

Wedding season is making me a crazy person. You could tell Billy I need to be locked away, and he would probably agree. Tomorrow, August 10, I will be working my 28th wedding of the season up in Sausalito, CA {across the Golden Gate bridge from San Francisco}. 

That wasn't a slip of my fingers hitting the wrong number on the keyboard, either! I have already completed twenty-seven weddings. I have 19 more booked, and counting. Saying I hate my makeup brush belt and curling iron is an understatement. Really, I don't, but I would love to not have to pick up the tools of the trade for a weekend. I'll share some pretty pictures from trials soon!

Speaking of weddings, one of my very good blog friends just got engaged yesterday!! Congratulation Megan and Ryan! If you have extra room on your guest list, I call dibs! I have always wanted to visit Michigan and see the mitten state for myself ;)

I completed my 6th and final egg donation almost two weeks ago. I donated 21 eggs this time around {a far cry from the 34 they got back in January!}. It was a bittersweet feeling, walking into the office for my post-op appointment for the last time. I'm glad I got to say goodbye to my amazing coordinators, my favorite NP and all of the medical staff, though I didn't see any of the doctors that trip. I have threatened them with random pop in visits with the excuse of bringing in baked goods just to see them all again. I am so thankful to have found such a loving and caring practice to be affiliated with. They treated me so well the last 4 years, and really made me feel cared for and appreciated. 

If egg donation is something you are interested in or just curious about, let me know! I would love to answer any questions you may have. Donating is NOT for everyone, and I respect those who say they could never do it for any number of reasons. If it's something that strikes a cord with you, research a little, and contact your local fertility clinics. You won't be sorry you were able to help someone start a family. Life is a huge and amazing gift you can give someone. I know so many people who have struggled with some facet of infertility, and the painful, emotional path they walked is hard to hear about. Knowing I was able to help someone who went down this same path brings me incredible joy. 

Billy and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on Sunday August 4th! I can't believe it's been that long. Sometimes it feels like longer {in a good way!}, and other times I feel like we just got married! We were true to ourselves and didn't celebrate in any way. I think we both forgot to even mention our anniversary as we got ready and headed off to work that morning. Some people love celebrating anniversaries, and I don't fault them, but for B and I, it's not important. We plan on having many, many anniversaries together, so we pick the big ones if we want to celebrate. Looking through these photos makes me miss Lake Tahoe! No time for a vacay up there, though.

We may not get a chance to go to Tahoe anytime soon, but we are ARE heading to Texas to visit Dallas. 

I know. Texas in August. 

BUT, there is a warehouse location that Billy is applying to in Plano, which is just north of Dallas, and he sort of has a shot there, so we want to get a feel for the area. Y'all, {getting my TX speak ready} traveling is expensive. Airfare especially. I'm trying not to dwell too much on the cost, and just look forward to visiting the big ol' state of Texas for the first time. I will finally be able to say with authority that I know what Texas hair is.

Maybe I can write the trip off if I chalk it up to research for work....

If you have any suggestions for things to do and see while we are in Dallas, let me know! We have no clue what to do out there, so the more help, the better!

I am still going to Combat Circuit and loving it! I took measurements the last day I attended class on July 25, before a two week break for my egg donation, and wow was I impressed. I started class on July 2, attended 12 classes, and ended up losing 4lbs and 9 inches overall in that time period. When I say overall, I mean I measured my bust, under bust, waist, hips, lower hips, legs, arms to get all those inches off. I can tell by my slowly whittling muffin top and the flattening of my belly, which is the hardest place for me to lose. I couldn't be happier!

I really wish this was a nation wide class that was easy to go to for everyone out there, because it is seriously my saving grace. My weight had sort of stagnated, then I lost a little while writing my novel and picking up my marathon training. Combat Circuit is amazing for me, in that I have lost the 2lbs I gained during the egg donation, and a 3rd lb just from the 4 classes I attended this week. You hear that, Nate? If I move to Texas, you and I are going to have to figure out a way to transition Combat Circuit there as well!

Annnnd I think that catches you all up in this Happy Girl's life!

Detail: Catch up for your Friday

0 Heartwarming

Friends, even in our lowest times of self-doubt and worry, God finds a way to brighten the dark and give us comfort. It's funny how these little occurrences can be mistaken for coincidence or karma,  but I know better. My God is loving, He cares incredibly deeply for His children, and He hates to see us hurting. He would do anything possible to keep us from doubting His plan, but we have little faith and often give in to worry and strife. 

That's where I was this week when I found out I have a cyst in my ovary. I doubted that I would be able to continue my egg donation cycle. I worried that the cyst would turn into something worse. I was sad and felt I was letting people down. Friday, I had my hope and purpose renewed. 

I have only had one donation recipient contact me. She wrote me the most beautiful note, and gave me a silver necklace that I still love. I wrote about it here, and said how that little act of thankfulness bowled me over and reaffirmed my beliefs about being an egg donor. 

That same recipient sent me another gift and equally touching note. The gift is an incredibly soft cashmere cable knit scarf, and I am wearing it as I type. The note made me cry in the elevator where I read it, and was even written on a super cute cupcake card, how perfect for me! 

To our wonderful donor,

We just want you to know that we are thinking of you. Think of this gift as a gigantic hug from us. Because of you we have a wonderful addition to our family, giving each day a whole new meaning. We want you to know how thankful we are for you, our beautiful baby, and how you will always have a place in our hearts. 

With love,

The couple you helped last November

The timing of this gift, the way she phrased her note, and how much it touched me is all too perfect and I know it was divine. God saw me hurting and doubting, and spoke to me in a way that would have a direct impact on my situation. I am so thankful I have a God who knows me, loves me, and cares that deeply for me. To say I was touched, once again, by this woman's tender heart and incredible spirit is an understatement. She probably had no clue what this would mean to me when she decided to pick out a scarf and write a sweet note to the woman who donated eggs for her a year ago. She may have just gotten it into her head one day, or maybe she felt the tiniest of nudges on her heart that spurred her to action. Whatever it was, it was the perfect timing, and I am filled with hope for this next cycle, and whatever it brings. Oh, and I am overjoyed that she has a new little baby in her life!! I helped that happen!

So hopefully this will help you remember that even when you are doubting yourself, your purpose, and you are feeling down, you are not alone nor forgotten in your time of despair! My heart is lighter as I go into the weekend of work ahead, and I hope that even if you don't believe as I do, that your day will be brightened as mine has been!

Detail: Heartwarming

0 Real talk: ovarian cysts

On Tuesday I had an ultrasound to make sure my ovaries are ready to start my latest egg donor cycle. This is routine and always goes fine, ending with a pat on the back telling me I am ready to start the first injections. 

This time, I have a large cyst in my right ovary that should have resolved itself by this point in my cycle. By large I mean 2cm, but on the ultrasound screen it looked like it filled at least half of the ovary. My doctor said that in most cases a cyst will resolve itself by my next period, but they don't want me to start medication until it's gone because it's possible to make the cyst grow, and then I wouldn't be able to add in the gonadotropins later on. So now I have to finish off my birth control pack rather than start injections, and get another ultrasound to make sure everything is quiet in my ovaries next month. 

Via wiki, a 2cm left ovarian cyst, not mine

Now, I have had my cycle timelines changed before, but it has never been because of me. I don't do well with the idea of my own failure {real or perceived} or causing disappointment. For the first time, I am getting a real sense of the frustration, sadness, and futility recipients must feel when they are dealing with infertility. My empathy is growing for the people I have helped in the past, and for those who are struggling with infertility. It's not my fault I have a cyst, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to control it. Same with my friends who have had miscarriages, or who are attempting to get pregnant. 

It nearly broke my heart that I am holding up another woman's chance to start her family, even if by just a few weeks. Of course, I immediately conjured up worst case scenarios aside from not being able to donate right away. Things like "ovarian cancer", "tumors", and "losing an ovary" definitely came to mind. Granted, there is practically no chance  that's what's happening {94% of ovarian cysts are benign}, I just couldn't help but go there. Don't we all assume the worst? I immediately thought of one of my heroes, Diem Brown, and the second bought of ovarian cancer she is currently battling. I didn't want to be in her shoes. I have cried right along with her as I watched her videos of her chemo hair loss, and silently prayed as I read her People blog posts about her battle. That's what I think of when I hear I have a cyst in an ovary, "Lord, don't let me be like Diem. I don't want to have cancer." A little dramatic, much? Yes, but friends, that is where my head goes when left alone to mull over a situation. 

I came home from my appointment grouchy and introspective. I snapped a little at Billy throughout the morning, went for a run to help clear my mind, and then cuddled on Billy's lap for an hour and  eventually felt better. I know I can do nothing to fix the cyst, it will clear on it's own and I will resume the cycle as planned. All things happen for a reason. It's always a surprise when I am matched up for another cycle since there are so many factors a recipient takes into account when choosing, and timing has to be right for all parties. I may push the estimated cycle time out, but by doing so, I will be able to give my recipient the healthiest eggs I can. I cling to this hope and know things will be right in the end. And if they are not? We will deal with that if it's the case, but what's the use in worrying about something that hasn't even happened, right? 

Peace and baby making love to all of you in blog land!

Detail: Real talk: ovarian cysts